:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
