..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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