you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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