Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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