I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Help. Why am I so naked?
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