My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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