she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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