And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
