Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
