so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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