i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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