Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
