after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
