I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
