I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
