I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it hurts more in the daytime
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
