Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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