I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
