I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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