Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
