Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
