I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
