How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
