Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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