I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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