The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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