Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
