Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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