fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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