I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
