from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
