it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
