How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so let's talk penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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