no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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