Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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