I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
