we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize