i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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