...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize