You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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