She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
