I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
