I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
