Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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