she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
