Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
