Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As shirtless as possible
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
