wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize