I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think your dad took our porno
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize