I wannas sexs uuuuu
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
