i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
