I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
