Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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