If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
