ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
