the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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