I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
this hospital has no fireball
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
