in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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