I'm going to jail i love you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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