all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
