Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
