do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
