One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
