Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
