Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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