they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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