very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
