through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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