i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
