Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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