first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
