i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
