You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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