My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize