billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
