i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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