she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
