Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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