You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just pynch a tree in the face
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
