yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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