she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
