my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize