Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
