my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize