the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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