I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
