Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
