Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
don't judge my taste in strippers
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize