well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
