i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
