You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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