pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize