One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
