You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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