I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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