god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
