I got chris browned last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
