i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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