i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
