Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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