I showed him my bush... on skype.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize