if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
