Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
